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Author Archives: annban
Goodbye, Dr. Ong
A Farewell to My Oncologist Just as people become attached to their therapists, it must be common for cancer patients to grow to love the oncologists we hate that we ever had to see. Like many patients, I was unhappy … Continue reading
And that was before this one…
Dear 2021, You promised you’d do better. Shame on me for buying it again as you stood on the porch at midnight, ostentatious bouquet in your hands. I opened the door just enough to see the sheepish smile on your … Continue reading
New Venture with Amherst Writers and Artists — Words From the Heart
It’s been four years since I visited this, my first writing home after leaving my last real job. In that time I’ve written one novel and started a second, and had the fantastic good fortune of finding an agent (though … Continue reading
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Breathe. Be Grateful. Buy Shirt.
We’ve all been told the healthy things to do when life is freaking us out, when we find ourselves unable to serenely detach from things like the computer crash, our brother’s indictment, our spouse admitting an affair. There’s going to … Continue reading
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Tagged breath, cancer, gratitude, health, humor, love, marketing, motherhood, oncologist's offices, stress
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Thanks, Arnold. Really, We’re Over It
I am considering exactly how best to word a thank-you note to Arnold Schwarzenegger for keeping his mouth shut even when he couldn’t keep his pants zipped. Not that I approve – I surely don’t, but whether or not I … Continue reading
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Tagged Arnold Schwarzenegger, California recall election, fate, groping, lies, personal essay
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It’s Judgment Day — What to Wear?
It says so right there on the billboards. These are Southern California freeway-priced billboards, so somebody’s paid some serious dough to get the message out: JUDGMENT DAY May 21, 2011… The Bible Guarantees It! Now, there’s a slight chance these … Continue reading
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Tagged billboards, Evangelical prophesies, humor, Judgment Day, wardrobe dilemmas
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It’s Passover Tonight (or Why I’m Not a Poet)
It’s Passover tonight And now we have rats Could they eat the gefilte fish, please? It’s Passover tonight I’ve just sliced my finger Instead of the last piece of bread It’s Passover tonight I’m packing a suitcase Tomorrow I visit … Continue reading
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Tagged Dayenu, Jewish humor, packing, Passover, rats, workshop poetry
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Let’s Rent Liechtenstein! Or Not
Pack a little sweater, and something nice for evening. We’ll invite 900 equally cool and adventurous people and, for just $233.33 apiece* head for the gorgeous Alpine country of Liechtenstein, nestled between Switzerland and Austria. It’s that teensy, tricky little … Continue reading
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Tagged humor, Liechtenstein, rich, shared sacrifice, taxes, travel
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Congratulations for Living!
Most all of us have experienced it at one time or another. You’re out enjoying a nice birthday dinner and suddenly six waiters in sombreros, carrying a slice of cake ablaze with candles, gather round your table, clapping and singing … Continue reading
Now Not Appearing on Aisle Three
They’re messing with us at the grocery store again. According to the New York Times, marketers have discovered that messy stores make people buy more stuff. Store managers had already mastered the trick of moving stuff around so that just … Continue reading
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Tagged consumers, Costco, grocery stores, humor, marketing, New York Times
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By the Other Ann Bancroft 